An Interview with Dr. Anthony Rao: The Way We Teach Boys (and Girls)

The Way of Boys

1.16.10 - Michael F. Shaughnessy - I've developed a sub-specialty in treating young boys and young men, and as a result have consulted with families all over the country. I've lectured at numerous colleges, and regularly present at conferences, workshops, and parenting organizations.

An Interview with Dr. Anthony Rao: The Way We Teach Boys (and Girls)

Michael F. Shaughnessy

Eastern New Mexico University

Portales, New Mexico

1) Dr. Rao, first of all, tell us about your education, training and experience.

I hold a Ph.D. in psychology from Vanderbilt University and trained as a pediatric psychologist at Boston Children’s Hospital. For more than 20 years, I worked in the Department of Psychiatry at Children’s Hospital, and as an Instructor at Harvard Medical School, I trained psychologists and physicians in the use of cognitive and behavioral therapy (CBT). More recently, I'm the founder of a Behavioral Solutions in Lexington, Massachusetts; a private practice known throughout the Boston area for using CBT to help children without relying solely on medications.

I've developed a sub-specialty in treating young boys and young men, and as a result have consulted with families all over the country. I've lectured at numerous colleges, and regularly present at conferences, workshops, and parenting organizations.

I was a featured expert on documentaries for the A&E series Investigative Reports and MTV’s True Life series. I've been interviewed for articles in The NewYorker, Parent's Magazine, and The Washington Times, and my editorial letters and opinions have appeared in the Boston Globe, Newsweek, Scientific American, and New York Magazine.

My website is anthonyrao.com where you can locate information about me, the practice, and my book.

2) Now, please tell our readers about your latest book.

The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World was released this fall ('09), and has been received with much enthusiasm and praise. The book provides clear, example-based reasons as to why we need to stop treating boyhood as an illness. Beyond the shocking statistics and trends of how boys, even very young boys, are being diagnosed and medicated, the book explains how normal boy development works for ages 2-8. It describes all facets of boy behavior from a developmental perspective and helps the reader appreciate how early boy development is unique, quirky, often challenging, but also not a good fit for the times - that is - the increasing societal and educational demands all children are facing. 

Chapters are arranged by major boyhood issues, such as "He Doesn't Have Any Friends", "He's a Bully", He Won't Sit Still", and "He Hates School", to name a few. Each targets one of the major developmental challenges early elementary school boys are currently facing, and offers practical ways to handle challenges with sensitivity, calm, support, and with effective, research based non-medical solutions.

Parents and educators have been very responsive to the book, telling me it reads like a manual for raising and teaching boys in these often frenetic, highly stressful times. I try to alleviate the anxiety parents and educators are experiencing as they ride the ups and downs of a boy's normal, but challenging, developmental course. Wherever possible, I educate the reader on what's going on inside the boy's mind, and demystify the process of how most boyhood problems arise. I walk the reader through ways to know when something is serious enough to warrant an evaluation or prescribe medications versus letting development takes its course with a supportive hand. 

3) Your basic premise, as I understand it, is that the vast majority of elementary school teachers, which are female, are not prepared to deal with the behavior and discipline problems that are male. Am I off on this?

It is not the central premise of the book, but it is a large part of what I describe as the mismatch between natural boy development and our current form of early education. Up front, let me say, I'll take one good female teacher (and there are many) over ten bad male teachers any day. Further, many female teachers "get" and understand these youngsters, for various reasons, including having raised sons themselves, having grown up with brothers, etc. Female teachers with great training and experience don't fall into these gender traps as often in my experience.

Statistics do indicate, however, that we have too few male teachers in the early grades, around 5% or less depending on the research study. With 95% or more of teachers being female, its inevitable that classrooms will be biased toward little girls. Current classrooms are heavily language-based and require more sitting and listening than what many boys are developmentally prepared to do. Young boys as a group don't make as good eye contact. They also don't have as acute listening and attention skills, and are significantly more active motorically.  It's little wonder why teachers are having to repeat themselves all day long, usually to the little boys in their classes. "Please - look up, listen, and sit still".

Male teachers also tend to handle boys differently in the classroom. They use more hands-on activities, tolerate more bantering and physical movement, and have a natural appreciation for how to read and discipline boy behavior when its gets out of control. They also appreciate boy behavior that many female teachers would label as inappropriate, as bathroom humor, as aggression, or being too competitive.

In my experience, and supported by some research, male teachers seem less likely to label behaviors of boys negatively or as developmentally a problem, and further, less likely to refer boys on for evaluations. There is research addressing teacher bias, with male students being referred disproportionately for learning issues, and some of this may be due to gender differences between teacher and student, and expectations of what normal behavior is.

4) Some females do not like conflict, thus may shy away from discipline and behavior problems. Could this be a plausible explanation?

Absolutely. If a teacher doesn't appreciate or understand the normal, but sometimes spirited aggression of young boys, it can be labeled as out-of-bounds, or worse, as possible evidence of an underlying behavioral or psychiatric disorder. Parents of boys know that their sons are more likely to push the limits, experiment with rules, challenge authority, and be more physically active and aggressive than girls. In most cases, this isn't a sign of a disorder. Its the way the brains of boy are wired to work and navigate through new experiences in the world.

Not to say that some girls aren't more aggressive and active than many boys - but as a group these are reliable differences. It's likely a combination of genetic differences and socially taught/reinforced factors. But the result is that there are real differences between boys and girls that matter educationally and in child rearing, particularly at the earlier grade and age levels. 

5) What about male students who are violent, agressive, assaultive and destructive ( I know they are out there as I have been a teacher and have observed problems in schools ).

We need to do a better job drawing a clear line between what's normal, albeit aggressive boy behavior, and destructive aggression. There should be no place and no tolerance for the latter. The problem is that there isn't clear agreement unless its over-the-top. There is much gray zone in between. We (the adults) define these situations and there is tremendous variation, as you'd expect. I know some parents that promote gun play and encourage use of guns for sport and hunting. Others ban all toy guns, and forbid sword, bow and arrow fighting, or any other weapon-like play.  Some parents promote contact sports while others don't allow their sons to play football or hockey or wrestle while playing. Even within families, parents often don't agree regarding what's appropriate around aggressive play, or content for TV shows, movies, video & computer gaming. 

Hence, these are all mixed messages to boys who are seeking ways to express their natural aggressive tendencies. With so many differences among us adults,  rules and expectations are unclear, and this is very confusing for children. There has to be a clear guide for parents and educators on what's acceptable (and unacceptable behavior) at school. Due to rare, but serious school violence, we've moved to a more anti-boy position (i.e., allowing less physical contact, less activity, less aggressive play, less language with violent themes, and banning objects or toys that could be thought of as dangerous or weapons).

It certainly makes sense to have a zero tolerance for many negative, antisocial behaviors. Yet, I know of schools that won't allow any touching (even high-fives or knuckle wraps, or allow one boy to place his arm around a buddy). Its a complicated issue, but we're squeezing boyhood thinner and asking that many boys behave in ways that don't allow them a wider, truer range of healthy boy behavior.

As a psychologist, I recognize the value/need for boys to have healthy outlets to play and express their more aggressive, challenging side. I fear that narrowing or eliminating their healthy aggressive outlets will only increase inappropriate aggression. Each aggressive event is a teachable moment and without them, boys won't get practice on how to control or modulate their power and physical strength.

Finally, let me say that schools should not be having to raise children. That's the job of parents, and all too often, schools are placed in difficult situations where they are expected to regularly discipline problem kids or deal with serious parenting problems that intrude into educational settings. This is a complicated political and social problem, but the more a school can clearly define what its good at, what it should and effectively can do, and what it shouldn't do, the better for all.